That Korean Drama!

Don't believe those Korean dramas!

Yet

I watch them religiously 

One drama after another

I'm just crazy like that.

Sigh

Those typical scenes in their dramas, I hate them but I love them!

Adoi, get your head together woman!

Tapi tak salah kan. I work like a horse during the day

Before this, I had to go to my classes at night.

Now I have nothing to do, really

So instead of watching one drama at a time, I follow like 3 to 4 dramas

Every week I will patiently wait for more episodes. 

4 dramas x 2 episodes each

8 episodes x 1.5 hours each

12 hours 

so I spent 12 hours watching dramas

That's not so bad

Half a day watching something cheesy and unreal

Yeah why not?

BUT BUT BUT

They do not make any sense

No guy is ever as sweet as the male leads

No girl is ever as unlucky as the female leads

So yeah

I know they're not real

But I watch them still

I will be lying if I say I don't imagine being the female lead, being a hopeless romantic and all

BUT

I know my limits

These dramas are just an escape from the harsh reality

Why do I say harsh?

Because falling in love is never easy for me

I fell for the wrong guys, always

26 and kept kissing frogs

Not a good idea

As I'm writing, another possible frog is sending me cute WhatsApp messages

But I'm not feeling it bro

Sorry

Because this is not any Korean drama

This is my drama

Of course it is more dramatic than ever

My life is such a drama that putting on my shoes can be made into one episode

So Korean drama, you are nothing!

Heh

Wearing my heart on my sleeves #001

So I have this new job waiting for me in 2016.
The pay is simply amazing. More than enough for me, considering my young age and experience.
But the catch is, it's in Sabah. SABAH. KOTA KINABALU SABAH.
So far away from Mama and Babah and AJ and my sister and NIB and my daughter, my princess T and everyone.
AND EVERYTHING

TOO FAR AWAY

The only reason that I'm going is because of the money. Nothing else.

And I'm sick of DRB-HICOM
Too much drama is such big, big corporation.
That I don't get and I'm sick of it.

Career wise, this new job is the best thing that I can ever asked for.
I was surprised that I scored the job.

Thing is.
I have been living in KL my whole life.
I went away for a year and half to do my Asasi in Kedah and that's it.

Suddenly Sabah!
On my own.
Like wow.

I have no friends nor family there.
Just my new job and that cash. (Kaching!)

PANIC MODE ON
I'm not worried about coping with the new job, surprisingly I do well in that area.
It's the whole being independent and alone thing is eating me up slowly inside.

How i wish they can offer me the same job and pay in Ipoh of Johor.
No!
They make me go to SABAH. (maybe that's why they're paying me big bucks)

I crazily said yes and arranged for everything.
I went crazy for a moment.
Not regretting my decision.
Just panicking
Just another episode of my panic attack.

PANIC
PANIC
PANIC

I accepted the job in August.
I report in January 2016.
And now suddenly it's 11 November.

It's suddenly NOVEMBER 11!!!!

Hyperventilate now.

Thank you Indonesia!

I can't thank Indonesia enough for causing this crazy haze.

For invading my lungs.

For incapacitating my breathing ability.

For making me want to take out my eyeballs and scratch them then put them back in.

Thank you Indonesia for you generosity.

Thank you for making the world suffer!

THANK YOU! 

Big, fat chicken I am when it comes to love.

15.10.2015

Out of boredom, I am reminded of this blog. It's been a while.
I've been too busy with life. Work, study, family, dating.

So, now I'm 26, kinda successful.

I have a Master in Corporate Law. Alhamdulillah!

All I need now is somebody to love. I guess life can't be too perfect for anyone right.

Been seeing and going out with a number of men, but none could sweep me off my feet.

Now, being a hopeless romantic, still a hopeless romantic at the age of 26, of course I'm looking for that Mr tall, dark and handsome, oh-so-macho perfect and all.

But I am also a very realistic 26 years old lady. I called myself a lady, hesitated there for a moment due to some unfortunate reason; cursing. I curse a lot especially while driving, thus, can I really call myself a lady? But then again, who doesn't curse while driving?

Being a realistic 26 y/o lady, having witnessed a number of failed relationships and marriages, let's not include those happy ones, that will not be the realistic T speaking, it will be the hopeless romantic T, back to being the realistic T, to fully put your trust in someone, to love unconditionally and to be willing to give in and give up, is a super scary thing! It is more scary than being stuck in a room full of cockroaches. (or maybe it's as scary as that)

I feel sorry for my mom, my Induk and my aunts, they sincerely are waiting for me to settle down. Here's the ugly truth, I am scared! That's it. I'm scared. Not only to trust another person, but to let myself trust.

Sick am I? Maybe.

I'd rather stay single than get my heart broken and left to fix it on my own. I've been hurt before, and it was so bad I didn't know what to do. They say time heals all wounds. Maybe I am still healing. I can't seem to open up my heart to anyone.

They also say love comes softly. But for that to happen, you gotta trust. Then trust is what I cannot do. I've seen so many people cheated on their spouses/partners. This is not a simple thing like lying about your grades or anything, though lying about your grades are also very bad, I'm still regretting that.

I am such a chicken, I don't have the gut to trust.

I have everything and doing well on my own, should I welcome someone in my life, everything has to change. Scary.

So those men I've been seeing in these few years time, I feel sorry , but they really didn't win my trust.

Don't I want to get married? Hell no! I am also scared of being alone. But I'd rather be lonely than get hurt.

What I really want is a mini-me. Yes, I want a baby of my own. I do love my dearest adopted daughter with all my heart. But I also want to go through the whole pregnancy and labor. I mean, only then I'm a complete woman.

Sadly, the whole artificial insemination is haram. If that wasn't the case, I probably will be pregnant with my second baby by now. Haha.

So here I am, thinking about giving this guy a chance, maybe to open up a little, to let myself trust a little. Just thinking about it send shivers to my spine, in my case, that's very serious as my spine is somewhere deep inside me, under my layers of fat. haha

I just hope that I have a little gut to trust and to love.