Walking on thin ice

I'm standing on a line between giving up and seeing how much more i can take.

MNS

My last gamble.

If this too fail.

It's game over for me.

Putting my last bit of courage to trust love one more time.

2018

The sole reason why I'm still breathing. My family.
Who cried with me, picked me up, stayed with me through everything.
This will be the center of my 2018.
Dearest mama and babah,
I'm sorry I brought in a stranger into our lives and I'm sorry he broke your kind hearts.
I'm sorry I didn't listen to you from the very beginning, now I'm still paying the price.
I am broken beyond repair.
But still, I'm here, pushing through just because of your love and support.
Anum and AJ, you guys are just amazing.
So thank you.
I love you.

I'm getting married!

How easy it was for me to decide to marry MNM.

Just how easy it was for him to fall for me and vice versa.

Naturally, we both agreed to get married.

JUST LIKE THAT!

Date is set!

I AM FINALLY GETTING MARRIED!

May Allah ease everything for MNM and me.

Too many things to do in so little time.

PANIC MODE ON

MNM

                                                                              💗💗💗

Mohd Noor Bin Miswan

A complete stranger.
It started with that one common interest: CATS.

In a blink of an eye, he became the most significant man in my life.
Totally the opposite of what I have always pictured a man I would love be, yet he owns my heart.
Here, I've said it. I love him.

T, the big fat chicken when it comes to love, is now in love!
May Allah ease!

I LOVE YOU MNM ❤❤❤

That Korean Drama!

Don't believe those Korean dramas!

Yet

I watch them religiously 

One drama after another

I'm just crazy like that.

Sigh

Those typical scenes in their dramas, I hate them but I love them!

Adoi, get your head together woman!

Tapi tak salah kan. I work like a horse during the day

Before this, I had to go to my classes at night.

Now I have nothing to do, really

So instead of watching one drama at a time, I follow like 3 to 4 dramas

Every week I will patiently wait for more episodes. 

4 dramas x 2 episodes each

8 episodes x 1.5 hours each

12 hours 

so I spent 12 hours watching dramas

That's not so bad

Half a day watching something cheesy and unreal

Yeah why not?

BUT BUT BUT

They do not make any sense

No guy is ever as sweet as the male leads

No girl is ever as unlucky as the female leads

So yeah

I know they're not real

But I watch them still

I will be lying if I say I don't imagine being the female lead, being a hopeless romantic and all

BUT

I know my limits

These dramas are just an escape from the harsh reality

Why do I say harsh?

Because falling in love is never easy for me

I fell for the wrong guys, always

26 and kept kissing frogs

Not a good idea

As I'm writing, another possible frog is sending me cute WhatsApp messages

But I'm not feeling it bro

Sorry

Because this is not any Korean drama

This is my drama

Of course it is more dramatic than ever

My life is such a drama that putting on my shoes can be made into one episode

So Korean drama, you are nothing!

Heh

Wearing my heart on my sleeves #001

So I have this new job waiting for me in 2016.
The pay is simply amazing. More than enough for me, considering my young age and experience.
But the catch is, it's in Sabah. SABAH. KOTA KINABALU SABAH.
So far away from Mama and Babah and AJ and my sister and NIB and my daughter, my princess T and everyone.
AND EVERYTHING

TOO FAR AWAY

The only reason that I'm going is because of the money. Nothing else.

And I'm sick of DRB-HICOM
Too much drama is such big, big corporation.
That I don't get and I'm sick of it.

Career wise, this new job is the best thing that I can ever asked for.
I was surprised that I scored the job.

Thing is.
I have been living in KL my whole life.
I went away for a year and half to do my Asasi in Kedah and that's it.

Suddenly Sabah!
On my own.
Like wow.

I have no friends nor family there.
Just my new job and that cash. (Kaching!)

PANIC MODE ON
I'm not worried about coping with the new job, surprisingly I do well in that area.
It's the whole being independent and alone thing is eating me up slowly inside.

How i wish they can offer me the same job and pay in Ipoh of Johor.
No!
They make me go to SABAH. (maybe that's why they're paying me big bucks)

I crazily said yes and arranged for everything.
I went crazy for a moment.
Not regretting my decision.
Just panicking
Just another episode of my panic attack.

PANIC
PANIC
PANIC

I accepted the job in August.
I report in January 2016.
And now suddenly it's 11 November.

It's suddenly NOVEMBER 11!!!!

Hyperventilate now.